Ever need some advice from someone who gets you? Specifically someone who understands sapphic love, desire and chaos? Then look no further! Let your Sapphic Aunty help you sort your shit out.

Send your questions to hello@shelovesher.net

Dear Sapphi,

I need your advice! What do I do when I’ve just broken up with a total babe, (lets call them Sage) and the chemistry is electric, the sex is, like, totally off the hook, but I 100% know I can’t be with them because there’s so many other ways in which we’re not even remotely compatible…. and yet…the clit wants what the clit wants. How do I push through my feelings and stop myself from booty calling them? My friends are all getting mad at me because I keep talking about them constantly (we were only together for a month!) and I find myself stalking their social media and I just miss the sex SO DAMN MUCH. I know I just need to push through and it will heal in time, but ugh.

- Missing My Ex

Oh MME, this question really sits at the heart of sapphic existence and I love you for asking it. And the true sapphic answer here is - you don’t push through your feelings and heal! And you certainly don’t take the path of sensible and right action, instead you wake up and choose chaos. You ghost your friends, get back together with Sage, bang each others brains out, break up again in a month, then rinse and repeat this cycle at least 8 more times until you wake up one day with a broken heart, a broken pussy, and a bunch of friends who DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS ANY MORE. It’s called being a lesbian dummy, look it up.

So maybe just accept your queer fate and lean into it?

If you feel like doing something new and different then I suggest a combination of support, self compassion and inner strength. Those friends of yours are one of your best resources, lean on them. Ask for space to grieve, help to heal, and for permission to talk about this some more. If you can, find a counsellor or therapist who can help keep you accountable.

Be kind to yourself - acknowledge that right now you want something that feels really good in the moment but that’s a bad idea long term. There’s a reason - maybe thousands! - that you and Sage aren’t compatible. Write out a list and remind yourself every day what they are. At the least it’ll help you keep a sense of perspective and a chance to really witness yourself as you make some truly bad choices for some insanely sexy reasons.

Block Sage everywhere and get off social media for at least a month yourself. Go out into the world and have some fun. Distract yourself! Start a really complicated project or time consuming hobby. Masturbate a lot. And be lovingly firm with yourself. Acknowledge that all things are temporary including all these feelings. Give them permission to pass.

Or choose chaos. Either way, good luck.